My buddy Butch Wonders and I co-authored this piece offering our advice on what to do after making a Gender Mistake (believe it or not, you can actually write a whole dissertation about Gender Mistakes).
Things to do after you make a mistake about someone’s gender:
- Just say, “Oops, sorry,” and move on like it is no big deal. Because it really isn’t. It’s happened to us before, and we won’t hold a grudge. Promise.
We’d love to end this post here, but unfortunately, personal experience suggests that a second list is warranted.
Things NOT to do after you make a mistake about someone’s gender:
- Do not blame the other person. Do not say that our hair or clothes are “confusing” or point out that we are “dressed like a man.” Doing so is embarrassing for you and annoying for us.
- Do not overapologize (hint: more than two apologies qualifies as “overapologizing”). We realize that our self-presentation is not gender typical, and don’t think you’re nuts or a jerk for making the mistake.
- Do not use it as an excuse to tell us how much you support gay rights or trans rights, or about all the friends you have who are trans and/or gay. This takes a relatively innocuous situation and douses it with awkwardness juice.
There’s more … including some advice based on actual encounters, and a wonderful video about “little titties.” Please head on over to Butch Wonders to read the whole thing.